The art of lying isn't unique just to kids. Adults are known to lie too. What psychologists tell us is that as kids grow older their reasons for lies and deception change. When children are younger, lying is about how they can avoid punishment. As a child grows older, lying is usually about "fitting in" with their peer group and adapting to their parents expectations. Young children learn quickly that lies can be give them attention or be entertaining to their friends and family. As children grow older, they begin to experience that lies are hurtful to themselves and their parents.
The website www.myparents.com states that "teaching children to be honest, even when it's hard to tell the truth, is an important lesson to teach your child over and over". The website also puts an emphasis on parents and other adults to "model and emphasize living an honest life". In other words, parents and adults must be sure their words must match their actions.
What are the reasons children lie? An article in our local paper about children and lying stated that there are three common reasons for lying. They are: *avoiding punishment *preserving a desirable image of oneself *protecting others.
It is commonly thought that probably there is too much punishment being used in a child's life. That punishment may be physical, emotional or both. A parent that is intimidating in either a physical or emotional manner encourages his child to lie and to lie more often.
Most kids want to achieve an identity for themselves that meets the approval of family and friends. Lying about oneself can be a way of achieving approval or attention even if for a short time. Parents need to work with the child to reflect back on the negative effects that lying produced and for the child to learn that it caused him/her to not be believed or trusted by their peer group and family.
What are some strategies that parents and other adults can use for dealing with lying? Dr. Kyle Pruett says to watch the eyes for no contact with you. Observe the mood and determine if it is anxious and if the tone of voice displays nervousness or anxiety. Dr. Pruett also suggests that parents choose their battles ie. let them know you are suspecting that something is wrong or "sounds fishy".
University of Ohio researchers promote the idea of family members trusting in each other and that truth is necessary in the family. Their research has shown that this kind of "inductive discipline" discourages more serious kinds of limit testing. They suggest that parents share with their children a lie or two that they regret and of the negative consequences of that lie.
We all want our children to be safe, however when a parent catches their child in a lie hthat has to do with safety, action has to be taken. Dr. Pruett suggests that the parent not lose their "cool" but to take the child on a walk or to a private place to talk...and to listen. The child may become upset but the parent and the child must think together how to rectify the damage of the lie.
Experts would advise parents that the most effective technique for curbing lying is to reward their children for being honest and to not punish them for lying. Creating a family atmosphere that's open and honest is essential.
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